Thursday, May 10, 2012

Life and my Sweet Dream

It's been a little while since I have written, but that is not for lack of good things happening! We are, I wish we could say "settled" into the new place, not quite settled as in unpacked and living out of the dressers instead of suitcases, but content would be a better word. The horses however are settled in and snug as can be in their new palace. The barn and property is just beautiful, we could not be luckier. What sparked me to write this morning was that for the first time last night, and all day yesterday, I felt Leroy. Yesterday while I was doing chores, I was looking around at this amazing property, and was feeling so thankful that two days before Leroy passed away, he was able to run around this place, sniff out all it's corners and treasures, and marking his approval on every piece of sage brush, fence post, rock and tree. He even felt well enough to run up the stairs and investigate the hayloft which he found his favorite poop! I was so happy that even though this is the first move in my adult life without my, I can't say shadow, but my light, I at least can visualize his having been here. Last night was my first dream about him where I could really feel and smell him. We were snuggled on the couch like we used to, I could feel his soft fur, and smell his smell. He was keeping me warm spooned up against my body, and he licked my nose. I feel like I new he was not in this physical world during my dream, and I was able to appreciate his being with me for however short it was. I woke up smiling, but I can't say I am healed yet, since my eyes are filled with bittersweet tears as I remember and write this.

Saturday my friend Gina and I went to the Redmond Humane Society. I was feeling really lonely last weekend with Jeff and Percy being away at the home and garden show. I was intensely missing my dog and started my search. There was nothing. I looked at so many really nice dogs, but none of them really caught my heart. They knew I wasn't their person either as they would rather sniff the smells, and pee on the chairs in the visiting room. They are smart and probably sensed my detachment and indifference to them, which is good, it's like picking a husband in a sense, you will know the right one, and the feeling has to be mutual, I know the right dog will know when I am it's right human. For now, I am enjoying my horses, kissing Percy, and my heart grows bigger from it's break 3 weeks ago, and I am so thankful that Leroy took a second out of his hours chasing bugs, shadows, and birds, to come and lick my nose last night. Beautiful!